Although we differ in our sacred journeys,
we are bonded by our shared identity as spiritual seekers.
– Jamia Wilson
Navigating our own healing journeys and accompanying others through theirs can prompt and necessitate an ongoing process of spiritual searching as we seek to make meaning and find balance along the way. Integration of focused opportunities for such searching is essential in nurturing our spiritual lives and overall well-being. This chapter explores such opportunities, reasons they are helpful and how they can be accessed, whether individually and/or communally.
The below interview speaks to the experience of searching, perhaps inviting listeners to ‘be-friend’ the discomfort that can prompt and/or emerge from a process of seeking answers and new experiences:
Why restlessness can be a kind of gift, according to a spiritual director. CBC Radio Tapestry
Reflecting on spiritual development/growth frameworks may be helpful during periods of searching (Terms like ‘spiritual development’; ‘spiritual growth’ and ‘spiritual literacy’ can help you find other related resources that may help you explore where you are in your ‘searching’ process. Fowler’s framework has been included below because it is the most commonly known. However, there are many others whose language is more inclusive/may be more suitable for exploration depending on your/your companions’ worldview(s), traditions, and understandings/beliefs.)
The Stages of Faith According to James W. Fowler | Thomas Armstrong, Ph.D(institute4learning.com)
There can be so very much to process during times of restlessness and uncertainty. Therefore, intentional time and space away from day-to-day responsibilities and distractions may be needed, whether on a daily, weekly, monthly, or some other regular basis. Ceremonies and retreats are two common forms of such deliberate pause.
Ceremonies
General introductory information is offered below to support readers in discerning if and how ceremony might play a role in your current or ongoing processes of searching. Of course, the specific ceremony(ies) that may be helpful will very much depend on the traditions and practices that offer comfort or clarity to a given individual, especially during a time of questioning and mystery.
Definition and Benefits
Ceremonies are events infused with ritual significance, most often connected to a community of people with common spiritual interests and a shared desire to promote individual and communal self-discovery, well-being, and quality of life (Hewson & Rowold, 2012; Hewson et al., 2014; National Institute of Health (NIH), n.d.). Ceremonies may include shared contemplative practices such as prayers, songs, chants, drumming, storytelling, and blessings on members’ current questions and intentions – as uniquely expressed within the community(ies), culture(s) and worldview(s) involved (Hewson & Rowold; NIH). Ceremonies offer orientation and support in a world of increasing complexity and decreasing stability, especially at times of uncertainty, loss, and searching (Hewson & Rowold). Many cultures have long believed that ceremonies play a vital role in promoting mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, and relational well-being, especially at times when healing is needed (NIH).
Planning, Preparing, & Experiencing Ceremony
- If you already belong to a faith community or group with whom you feel comfortable engaging in ceremony that supports your current spiritual seeking, it may be relatively easy to explore with a trusted mentor or participant from that community or group what ceremony might meet your current spiritual needs (in addition to or instead of those regularly held).
- If you don’t belong to such a community or group, you may wish to include in your ‘searching’ some exploration of existing ceremonies from unfamiliar traditions and worldviews that could inform and offer support to your current exploration. You may find it helpful to revisit Chapter 2, then to research and reach out to organizations who offer ceremonies in which you may participate. As you do so: – Be clear with any community contacts that your role will NOT be that of a detached observer; rather, you will be a fully engaged spiritual seeker who aims to deepen your own spirituality and support/bear witness to others in deepening theirs. – Inquire as to what preparation would be appropriate and respectful for the ceremony (ie: particular protocols of which you should be aware in preparing for/conducting yourself at the ceremony such as dress; appropriate cross-gender communication/contact; bringing some type of offering such as a small monetary donation, potluck item (if there is a meal/feast associated with the ceremony), or tobacco and cloth for a First Nations Elder/Knowledge Keeper). – Choose a ceremony and setting with which you can safely, comfortably and respectfully participate.
- Alternately, you may wish to identify trusted individuals with whom you might like to gather to co-create a supportive and meaningful ceremony. Be sure all participants understand and commit to honouring all other participants’ privacy following the ceremony (ie: you/they may wish to share your/their own story of experiencing the ceremony but will NOT ever presume to share elsewhere other participants’ stories/experiences).
- Whatever form of ceremony you might wish to experience, it is vital to include plans for: – meeting at least one trusted participant prior to the ceremony to help you discern and identify your related hopes and intents. – debriefing with the same participant (and/or another trusted one) following the ceremony to help you fully derive meaning from it and help you safely process any difficult emotions, insights, or questions that may have arisen. – following all guidelines provided/agreed upon with hosting community, including honouring the privacy of other ceremony participants.
Retreats
The below information is provided to help readers explore the nature of retreat and to discern if such extended periods of contemplative practice are helpful to your current or ongoing process of ‘searching’.
Definitions & Benefits
Retreats are life-giving spaces to which we can withdraw for quiet reflection, contemplation, and rejuvenation (Gill et al., 2019). Time spent in retreat (whether alone, with others, and/or in silence) fosters spiritual reassessment and renewal, while actively contributing to health restoration in ways previously discussed in Chapter 1. These health benefits have been noted to continue for a considerable period of time following retreat if an overall balanced lifestyle is retained (Gill et al.; Naidoo et al., 2018).
Planning, Preparing, & Experiencing Retreat
- Consider what retreat setting best resonates with your worldview/meets your needs at this time. A retreat can serve many individualized purposes such as spiritual replenishment, engaging in discernment, deepening awareness, finding solace, attaining a sense of calm/peace, and attuning to a sense of unity with others/the world/the sacred (Gill et al.; Naidoo et al.; Smith & Zhang, 2011; Whitecomb, 2006). Consider what purpose(s) relate to your current spiritual searching and overall well-being – and which setting would best support you in pursuing your purpose(s).
- Remember you need not incur any expense. You can create your own retreat in your own/someone else’s home/cabin, outdoors, or even within a health care facility if you have the necessary support while you are there.
- If you are considering a retreat centre as the right setting for you, research those that are geographically and financially accessible to you, keeping in mind ways to reduce your costs such as attending online-based retreats or sharing travel expenses with others. (See related ‘Contemplation & Community’ questions at the end of this chapter.)
- Consider whether you would like to retreat in solitude or in the company of one or more people with whom you feel very comfortable. You may wish to attend a structured retreat with a planned program. Such retreat programs will usually integrate times of solitude into the event.
- Consider how much silence you would like to integrate into your retreat. Silence can be particularly effective in helping you move into a deeply restful, receptive ‘space’ wherein some of your best ‘searching’ may occur (Johnson, 2009; Smith & Zhang, 2011). You may wish to include a meal in silence so you can experience contemplative eating (ie: being fully present to the tastes, aromas, textures, sights, and sounds of taking food into your body for its nourishment and sustenance).
- If you choose to do all or part of your retreat in silence …
… and you plan to go to a retreat centre, check with their contact person about recommendations for letting others at the centre know that you are in silence/solitude – and how they typically address greeting/not greeting others who cross your path while there. (It is common practice in most retreat centers to make known to all participants if you are in silence so others are not inadvertently trying to draw you into conversation. As such, it is often accepted protocol to avoid eye contact as a way of respecting and preserving the silence/solitude. However, if this feels uncomfortable for you, you may wish to offer eye contact and a smile or nod upon greeting others. The key point is to not feel you need to engage in any contact that takes you out of your sense of ‘inner stillness’.)
… consider whether you wish to have someone available to meet with during or at the end of your period of silence. Arranging guidance/support will be particularly important if this is your first experience of extended silence – and/or if this is a vulnerable time for you. Breaking silence for such contemplative interactions can be a vital part of any silent retreat – both safe AND enriching, provided it is done with the person/people who are right for you. (You may wish to involve someone from your own life who you trust with the details of your spiritual searching. Many retreat centers have spiritual directors/companions or meditation teachers also available to meet with you, if you wish.) It is recommended that you inquire ahead of time as to any additional costs and arrangements.
- You may wish to take with you on retreat …
… a notebook or journal to jot any key observations or insights that emerge.
… any other materials you need to create a contemplative space or to engage in contemplative practice or creative expression that will nurture your spirit and support your current ‘searching’ (books, symbols, art/craft supplies, favorite ‘comforts’/sources of inspiration).
… the ‘Community & Contemplation’ questions from the end of each chapter in this handbook, should some of them be helpful in prompting relevant exploration.
- Plan ahead so that the remainder of your day following your retreat allows for a gradual transition out of the experience. It can be quite ‘jarring’ to enter your daily routine, responsibilities, and interactions without such a pre-planned transition period; without it, you may risk compromising the restorative benefits associated with your retreat (Gill et al.).
- Prior to or at the very beginning of your retreat, it may be helpful to set an intention or two about what questions or concerns you wish to ‘be with/present to’ during your retreat. Particularly if this is your first experience of retreat, your intention simply may be to experience what that is like for you, along with whatever ‘comes up’ – and to let the process guide your intentions from there. You may also find it helpful to identify and keep a related motto, mantra, or symbol in mind throughout your retreat.
- Keep in mind that your intentions need to tend to your physical, mental and emotional needs, as well as your spiritual ones. As such, it may be helpful to identify a very general mantra that reminds you of overall guidelines/best practices for positively experiencing retreat (e.g. “Eat well; rest well; pray well” (Prairie Jubilee Program for Spiritual Formation and Direction); or an adaptation of the former such as “Eat well; rest well; BE well”). The most important considerations are that it speaks to you/your convictions and reflects the guidelines provided here/in other evidence-informed resources for a healthy, safe retreat.
- During your retreat, engage in the contemplative practice(s) of your choice, choosing those practices (or, perhaps, letting them choose you) as you listen deeply within and around you to what draws you/speaks to you in each moment of your retreat.
- You may find it helpful to establish a ‘rhythm’ between a variety of contemplative practices (eg: between walking, sitting, standing, or lying practices; between reading & journaling/other forms of creative expression). Often, a minimum of 20 minutes engaging in each practice is helpful in completely immersing in the experience/the insights that each practice brings. The more experience and comfort you have with retreat, the longer you may find you can stay fully present to a particular contemplative practice. As with any contemplative practice, remember to choose an ‘anchor’ to which you can return any time you experience distraction (e.g. your breath; your feet connecting to the floor/ground below you; a favourite symbol or view).
- Consider the time of retreat as an opportunity to be fully present to each moment and to the deepest part of yourself and whatever else you consider to be spiritual or sacred in each moment. Be aware of everything about each moment – each sensation (sounds, sights, smells, tastes, textures, temperatures, bodily responses), emotion, and thought. When you find any of them taking you out of the present moment, bring your attention back to your chosen ‘anchor’ and rest with it/simply ‘be in the moment’ again and again. Remain attentive to ‘being’ vs. ‘doing’, keeping kind curiosity at the centre of it all.
- As you rest in ‘being’, you may notice more and more about each moment and your response to it. You may also notice insights bubbling up. Simply observe, take note in whatever way is helpful.
- Engage in any contemplative practice that helps you fully and richly experience each moment. It may be helpful to consider the time of silence/solitude as a ‘date’ with a loved one … your ‘loved one’ being that deepest part of yourself and whatever else you consider to be spiritual or sacred in each moment of that solitude (Carol Ann Gotch, personal communication, Sept. 2008). As such, you would only engage in activities that keep you fully attentive to/in touch with those dimensions you treasure – in a way that involves them & keeps you connected to them, just as you would a ‘date’ whom you treasure. For example, if you were going to read a book on a date, you would only do so with your loved one, rather than in a way that ignores or disengages from your date. (As such, reading contemplatively is important, pausing frequently to ‘sit with’ and integrate into the present moment what you have read). Similarly, if you are going to journal, you would do so only to the extent that it engages the deepest part of yourself fully in the present moment. Therefore, you may find you only jot brief observations and insights during your retreat so you can recall and further reflect upon them later on.
- If you do find yourself feeling vulnerable or overwhelmed during retreat, remember the guidelines provided in Chapter 2 for contemplative practice during difficult times: Place particular emphasis on … … repetition of comforting, compassionate words/measures/practices. … engaging in movement practices. … contacting trusted support people (with whom, ideally, you have made pre-arrangements.)
- Following your retreat, remember to …
… allow yourself a gradual transition back into your daily routine and responsibilities, ensuring you have time to integrate ongoing rest and reflection that can maximize the wellness benefits emerging from your retreat.
… debrief/engage in contemplative conversation with a trusted person or persons to help process & integrate your experience. Identifying how/with whom you wish to further explore specific elements of your retreat in the future can also be helpful.
Trust your instincts. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to experience or respond to a retreat. Simply notice your responses and reactions – and simply ‘be’ as you are, reaching out for support as needed and helpful.
(While the last resource above was prepared in the context of Covid 19, it is applicable to the many health conditions that require us to ‘shelter in place’ at any time. Whether at home or in a health care facility, we may find ways to embrace this unanticipated opportunity to experience the healing benefits of retreat, in whatever setting we find ourselves.)
NOTE:
Throughout any ceremony, retreat, or other shared process of ‘searching’ take precautions to ensure your own and others’ safety (e.g. infection control protocol; staying in safe locations & relationships; trusting your own instincts as to what is safe & helpful; having trusted supports available as needed).
Contemplation & Community: Searching
Are there spiritually oriented questions about your current experiences that you would like an opportunity to explore?
Are there any of your previously held beliefs that you are questioning? How do you feel about questioning these beliefs? Does this type of questioning feel safe/unsafe? What/who contributes to this sense of safety or risk? Who can best support you in exploring the beliefs you are questioning?
What answers about life/death/spirituality are you currently seeking? How difficult is this searching? Who do you trust to help you with it?
What/who is a source of disillusionment for you? Have you had an opportunity to grieve associated losses? If not, how might you do so? Who and what can help?
What current opportunities do you have to fully attend to the searching you wish to do?
***
Given that the experience of retreat may be unfamiliar to many people (and is one that might not involve a familiar faith or traditional community) you are invited to carry out an online search (yes – more searching ;)!) of ‘retreat centers in my area’ or ‘spiritual growth events in my area’, then to explore them in a contemplative, unhurried manner. Considering the following reflective questions may support that exploration:
Do you see any options that feel like a fit for you? If so, what logistical considerations are involved? How can you navigate related barriers if it is important for you to attend a given retreat? Who can help you?
Do you need solitude or company at this time? If you wish to attend with someone else, who would allow you your space at the retreat as needed? Who would you want to debrief with at certain points during the retreat?
If retreat centers aren’t a fit for any reason, is there anywhere else you might wish to retreat? If so, which of the above questions would you need to explore? (e.g. logistics? solitude vs. company)?
Can you see yourself planning and completing a retreat in the near future? If so, when might that be? If not, what would better meet your spiritual needs at this time?
The next chapter explores that last ‘T’ in ‘TRUST: ‘Teachers’, those interior and exterior sources of strength and guidance that can inform and support us in our maintaining and regaining our well-being.
